10 STEPS TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE

Nowadays many people seem to manifest a sort of mal-being they don’t really know where its coming from. 

They feel worn out like nothing ever works for them as planned as if God himself was playing a deceitful game of chess against us.

Part of that has to do with modern culture in western countries, where rates of people diagnosed with anxiety, depression and other similar deseases is sky high.

Afterall, we were brought up with a sense of entitlement that makes us believe constantly that this and that should be ours, that we are special, that we should have a better job, a better relationship, a better house or whatever we aim for.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

We are no more entitled to happiness or comfort than any other of the billions of human beings that came before us.

History shows us once and again that there are times of prosperity and times of crisis and a thousand of determinants to how people live, what they´re bound to achieve and what they can expect out of life.

In my opinion, we have inherited this sense of entitlement from the immediate previous generations.

Our parents, brought up and maturing in the 60´s, 70´sand 80´s came to a world where family relations still followed traditional lines, where literacy and especially high studies weren´t yet for the masses and thus they were assured a more predictable economic stability.  

Socialization was a lot different than nowadays.

Many of us where brought up with the same ideas. 

The problem with that is that from the 80´s on the speed of transformation in western societies broke up all the social economic tissue these societies as they were known until then.

We are the offspring of this disintegration. 

We aim for stability and change all at once, without being able to realize that more often than not, one excludes the other. 

That comes from a mind-set of conflicting values between what our parents and peers made us believe to be the right life, what we feel and what seems to be the right thing to do “to go with the flow”. 


The more relationships have evolved in the tech age, the more fragile and replaceable they´ve become, and that brings up our worst fears. 

We are eager of human contact and affection. 

We want to be seen, wanted, appreciated and that sometimes requires to switch off our traits and critical thinking, which doesn´t suit many of us and leads others into a chronic state of mental incoherence.

So what can we look at live the lives we really want to leave?

Here´s some suggestions that might help:

1. Disregard societal definitions of good and bad life style: 

Good and bad are cultural concepts, territorially and timely bound. They have nothing to do with human nature, well being or desires. 

If you live your life self-imposing this concepts on your actions you will never realize that maybe what would make you really happy would be, for instance, to have a simple life working in a farm  because society nowadays tell you that what is good is to be a CEO of a company or do a Phd.

That doesn´t mean that you use this an excuse to wreckless behaviours or conformism because you think you can do no better.

 Sometimes you can do “better”, you just wanna do “worse” cause it´s what is in your heart to do. 

Your life is yours to live only.

2. Take some time every single day to spoil yourself! 

This can mean ANYTHING.

From doing some activity you really like, to buying something you´ve been looking forward to have, take care of your body, or simply doing nothing at all.

Auto-indulgence is one of the hardest things to cultivate, because it requires the ability to say no to external pressures that damage us and a lot of self-love.

 Do a list of things to do before you die and look for opportunities to scratch one off anytime you can!

3. Be self-loving

Whenever you fail or you don´t get what you want, instead of spending all your time and mental energy going through the situation over and over again until it drives you mental, stop and think:

 Is this usefull in terms of contribuiting to my happiness? 

The answer will inevitably be... no! 

Put your time and energy instead on trying to find alternative reasons to why things didn´t go as you planned. 

Some will be things you could have done better, but you will also realize that sometimes you blame yourself a lot for things you didn´t have any way to predict. 

Make peace with yourself and write down proactive things you can actually do to change your situation and reach whatever is that you want and you´ll immediately start to feel better. 

Action has power.

4. Be brave 

Have the courage to cut definitely with everything or everyone that puts you down. 

We all have some people in our lives that do nothing else beside suck our energy and spit out negativity. 

These are the kind of people we do not need at all.

As much as we loved them, we have to love ourselves more to know that our well being and happiness are in front of these people. 

Don´t blame yourself to cut these relationships. 

These people too have their all life to sit down, look inside of themselves, reach out for help and change. They just don´t want to, and it shouldn´t be you to pay the bid. 

Some people are toxic and being around them is only gonna make you worse and stop you from reaching you potential as much as you don´t see it now to be the case. 

Say no today! 

If you don´t wanna be direct, just start shutting them off slowly until the connection wears off. 

Look for other places, people and activities to occupy yourself with. 

You aren´t giving them anything they don´t desearve, even if it is just because they never moved towards anything better in life.

 Surround yourself with people that enlarge your heart!

5. Accept you own nature. 

No one can be happy denying any part of ourselves.

 And surprise, surprise: some parts of you will be in conflict with others! 

You don´t have to be put under any label: 

Who says you can´t be nerd and a party animal? 

Who says you can´t like philosophy and soap operas? 

Who says you can´t express your sexuality freely and still be honourable and full of value? 

These are all prejudices that make people feel miserable. 

Understand that whomever has them is simple not wise and intelligent enough to see people as they are, and you wouldn´t really want the appreciation of dumb people.

Would you?!

6.  Say YES! 

One of the reasons we feel down sometimes if because we are unable to cope with routine. 

People who say yes to new things never suffer from this problem: they are always doing something new, meeting new people and having surprises. 

I understand your concerns about this: sometimes you will have bad surprises. 

But you have to understand that all life and all experience are an inate part of what living is as opposed to being dead. 

Getting out of your comfort zone can be scary, but most of the times will pay off greatly.

7. Choose.  

As simple as that. 

Some time ago I came across this study of Prof. DanGilbert on the importance of synthesizing happiness and it totally resounded with my personal experience. The point of his study was basically that people have the capacity to learn to appreciate what they choose in a scenary of other equaly desirable options.

 More than that people have the capability to come to like more things they initially didn´t rate as 1^st choice. 

And more even: that type of happiness is not only as real as the euphoria provoqued by getting the first choice, as sticking up to what you choose will definitely make you more happy than keeping options open. 

I do subscribe this view totally. 

You have to understand that nothing in this world comes without a price tag. 

Every choice means sacrificing something and that´s how it is. 

It is the commitment, the fact that you are stuck with what you have, that makes you take the time and the patience to look for more angles of appreciation on the things and people you chose to have in your life. 

Without this effort things will always remain shallow and thus you will feel unsatisfied.

8. Be kind. 

Kindness is world changing. 

And it´s not because you´re gonna help someone or because you will feel better about yourself because you posed as "the nice guy". 

Fuck people who do things for others just to post on facebook that they fed a homeless person this morning! 

Of course feeling you did well also comes in the package of course, but it is just the superficial part of it. 

The importance of being kind has to do with the fact that in order to do so, you have to be able to look at the world through the perspective of someone else. 

That will not only make you grow as it will make you more creative and more open towards people and experiences. 

Kindness doesn´t have to be something big, sometimes it begins only with stopping yourself from jumping to conclusions about people you don´t know, but of course, the more ways you find to do it, the more you will find yourself smiling.

9. Learn. 

Whatever you wanted to be or do better, start today. 

Resources are easily available nowadays, and the more productive and active you keep yourself and your brain, the more self-respect you will gain. 

Self-respect is the milestone of a mentally healthy life. 

Other than that, if you don´t wanna learn to do something, learn about psychology and spirituality, learn about how to cope better with the most important person in your life: 

YOU!

Being happy requires a lot of effort. 

Requires a disciplined self-awareness of our mental processes which doesn´t always come naturally and effortlessly. 

If you don´t do your homework on yourself, ultimately it will be you suffering the consequences.

10. Build affective relationships and prioritize what really matters. 

Let´s face it. 

If you can jump ahead a couple of years to a part of your life where you´ll naturally grow old, what would you prefer? 

Be sitting on a pile of money and lonely?

Or...

Be surrounded by people who love you and cherish your life? 

I am not suggesting that this is a either/or situation: it´s not.

Many people build careers and bank accounts quite impressive and manage to have healthy relationships. 

But some of us can´t and end up sacrificing one or the other.

It doesn´t mean that you have to make choices of how to use your time because you´re inferior to anyone: 

maybe you have a disease that limits you, maybe you need more hours of sleep to feel well, maybe you did everything well but you just didn´t have luck somehow. 

You are not less than what you have in you because of anything you can´t control, so you should never feel inferior for your natural circumstances or external limitations.

 If you cannot do a thousand things at the same time, choose building healthy and close relationships and try to be more modest towards material achievements and the urge for social recognition. 

Social approval and more stuff are just things we think we need but they do not carry the seed of happiness. 

This one comes only from the feeling of being seen and felt deeply by another human being, the only feeling able to makes us less lonely in the universe. 

It is obviously a very personal choice, but if you give it a deep thought maybe you get to this conclusion too ;)

Have a great day :)