“It would never work out!”
“it´s not you, it´s me…”
“this is just not what I was expecting…”
Who never heard something like this before?!
We all have!
Some of us, unfortunately more than once.
And we find ourselves feeling rejected and inadequate after a while, thinking to ourselves:
“what the hell is wrong with me anyway?!”
and many, many times without any obvious answer to that question.
We don´t get an answer simple because we aren’t asking the right question.
It is not what is wrong in you, but much more often what is wrong inside of you that you should be looking at.
It is not what is wrong in you, but much more often what is wrong inside of you that you should be looking at.
I mean, if you compare yourself to other
people you consider to have successful relationships on a superficial level as:
then all you will be left with is an immense feeling that it can only be karma, which leads you down in a spiral of self-pity that does nothing but make you feel powerless.
“she is not prettier, or smarter, or funnier than me…”
then all you will be left with is an immense feeling that it can only be karma, which leads you down in a spiral of self-pity that does nothing but make you feel powerless.
So you want to know why it hasn´t worked out for you until now?
You may find yourself identifying with one or two things I am about to write down:
You may find yourself identifying with one or two things I am about to write down:
1. You want a relationship before you fall in love with someone for real.
Let´s face it:
We´ve all been there in that situation in which we start to feel that we need someone to keep us company and share our stuff with.
The problem is instead of falling in love naturally, your standards drop to acommodate basically who you can find at the time.
This doesn´t matter so much in the beginning when you´re still excited about the novelty but after a while you end up thinking “what the hell am I doing with this person?!”
2. You are not in a good mental place towards yourself. And this is a huge problem.
You can be amazing but if you aren´t feeling amazing, not only you feel more in need of reassurance in a relationship as it is the worst possible moment to get into one.
You will no doubt let your fears and insecurities reflect on the other persons behaviors and drive them away.
3. You do believe that a relationship is something you need to be happy.
Well my friend, I won´t lie to you.
It is no doubt true that relationships are the most rewarding experiences a person can have to feel happy and whole.
The downside is that a relationship will never make you happy.
Happiness is a state of mind that has to do with the way you experience life in good and specially in bad situations.
It has nothing to do with anyone else but you.
Looking for it in another person will always let you down and make the other person feel frustrated.
4. You have incredible unrealistic standards towards people.
What I mean is not that you should conform yourself with someone who doesn´t really please you of course.
But c´monnn…
you will only date damn Orlando Bloom?
It has to be this, and that, and have that…?
If you have a list
like this to tick boxes you´re due to fail.
People are not perfect, they all have flaws and downsides which you will have to learn to deal with to be in a successful relationship.
Another thing is that being with someone perfect would presuppose that you also are, right?!
People are not perfect, they all have flaws and downsides which you will have to learn to deal with to be in a successful relationship.
Another thing is that being with someone perfect would presuppose that you also are, right?!
5. You have incredible unrealistic standards towards relationships.
Relationships aren´t flowers, hot sex, trips, sunset parties and laugh all the time.
They are being sick, crying, conciliating difficult things, feeling a little bored and worn out sometimes, going through problems, bureaucracies…
If you´re not into going through this things with someone, either because you don´t wanna be fragile with someone, or you can´t put up with it, maybe you shouldn´t look for a commited relationship and should look for other types of relationships that suit your needs better.
6. You keep feeling that thrill for that emotionally unavailable (and probably very VERY problematic) person.
Ok, ok, I get it!
It is almost irresistible going for the bad ass, for the one no one ever conquered.
Makes you feel really special when that person picks you right?!
It has excitement written all over!
Well.. if you are looking for excitement and that tops up everything else in your needs, you should go for radical activities or something.
The
chances are that THAT person that is a living adventure will be alone first
because he doesn´t really want commitments and rather enjoys putting his energy
into other things (and many other people) or second because probably you´re
looking at someone that has troubles building deep relationships and meaning.
And these can be any sort of wackos, trust me.
And these can be any sort of wackos, trust me.
7. You keep displaying a set of traits when you try to attract someone that isn´t who you really are.
When this happens either one of two happens: either it smells like bullshit immediately and the other person withdraws OR what´s even worse, you have a very successful relationships….
for two months!
And after that as a great friend of mine says, all the craziness that was bottled up pops out and you´re heading for disaster.
8. You don´t listen.
Take the ability of two people to see and feel each other.
But how come that happen if you don´t have the time, the patience or the altruism to listen to what the other person is needing from you?
In time they will start to feel that they are in a lonely boat and just go roaming elsewhere.
9. You don´t invest in yourself.
Relationships have all to do with self-love and self-love is not something that falls upon you from divine grace.
Arrogance is.
Self-love is an exercise of investment in a set of behaviours and experiences that are loving towards yourself and make you become bigger and better.
This includes getting out of your comfort zone.
If you don´t have the worry to become a better you, in time you will not evolve.
People will get bored by your side and your faults and miseries will still haunt you and thus your relationship too.
10. You aren´t kind enough.
Love is very much about forgiveness and comprehension of another human being.
And that includes welcoming into your life the parts of that other person that will hurt you sometimes.
It means considering the other persons needs and being able to love that person for what she is, being by her side every time she needs to change something she can´t live with, instead of pushing for change in the things you can´t live with.
No comments:
Post a Comment